The AIRPORT GOODBYE

The AIRPORT GOODBYE. Does everyone else hate those as much as we do?

From the moment we go into the airport, we dread the Airport Goodbye. We know that, in just a short while, we'll get our final hug, which will turn into a desperate "oh-please-don't-go" clinging-together thing.

Then there's that horrible moment where one of us has to stay... and the other walks away. Walk, walk, walk, look back... walk... look back... smile sadly... wave... and disappear from sight.

We know that we'll both feel empty, and suddenly so alone. The place is full of people, but just at that moment, no one feels as lonely as the person who has just said goodbye to the one they love. People are rushing around and talking... and you can stand there with tears rolling down your face... and no one cares. Or perhaps, even if they do care, they know there's nothing they could possibly do to help, and it feels like the kindest thing just to walk past.

There's always that moment where we allow ourselves to imagine that there might be a possibility that the one we love will Suddenly Come Back. Maybe the flight will be cancelled and everyone will return to the departure lounge. Or maybe someone official-looking will suddenly appear and say, “No... you guys are supposed to be TOGETHER, not going to different places! Wait here for a moment - we're bringing your partner back to stay with you forever.”

But it doesn't happen, and eventually there's nothing to do but give up and go home.

Arriving home alone has a pain all of its own. Everything feels wrong. How can anything feel right when the one you love isn't with you any more? You can't hear their voice; can't hear their footsteps any more; can't feel their arms around you. Nothing makes sense. It feels as though “normal” was when you were together... and this is just “not right.” There's an empty feeling... almost as if someone just died... or, maybe, as if you just lost a part of yourself.

Sometimes it takes a long time to stop crying.

So... people have asked “What's the cure for this feeling? How can we stop feeling so horrible after we've said goodbye?” We've never found the cure for it. Actually, we're not sure we'd want to. Missing someone so desperately is a sign that you've found something very special. Imagine coming home after a visit, or an airport goodbye... and not caring that your loved one wasn't there any more. Wouldn't that be more worrying? Yes, it would certainly make life easier... but it wouldn't do anything to show how much you need to be together.

After we've said goodbye, we do allow ourselves a bit of time just to be miserable... because we need that. The first time we're back together on Skype is always difficult. Carla's usually crying, saying things like, “I just need you to be here! You need to come back!”... and Larry can't do anything to help, usually because he has to go back to work the next day, and doesn't have enough vacation time, or money, to fly 6,000 miles and back every couple of weeks. Besides that, he feels exactly the same way. He's in the wrong place too... and missing the feeling of being together.

We're always glad that we have busy lives. We can't sit around crying for weeks on end, because there are things to do... like work, and rehearsals, and family things. Eventually, life returns to how it was before. We talk to friends who understand - (possibly for long enough that they're fed up with hearing about it!) - and then we get on with the daily tasks that need to be done.

We think that the best-possible thing to do after a goodbye is to start making plans to be together again. It doesn't have to happen straight away... and in most cases, it can't. After we'd met in person for the first time, it took a whole year for us to see each other again. For some people, it takes even longer than that. But we think that, as soon as you can, it's good to start making plans to be together again... in three months... next year... in five years' time. It doesn't matter how far into the future these plans have to be... but we found that thinking ahead, and starting to make these plans really helped us. It's important to have something to look forward to. After all the sadness of an airport goodbye... there's something so special about an "airport hello".